


Together

by Ginipig



Series: Cullistair One-Shots [11]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst and Feels, Discussion of end of life, Grey Warden Alistair (Dragon Age), M/M, The Calling (Dragon Age), discussion of impending death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:09:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22306954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ginipig/pseuds/Ginipig
Summary: Alistair is having bad dreams. He tries to keep them from Cullen, but Cullen isn't stupid, and he doesn't want Alistair to face his fate alone.
Relationships: Alistair/Cullen Rutherford, cullistair - Relationship
Series: Cullistair One-Shots [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1604995
Comments: 8
Kudos: 15





	Together

**Author's Note:**

> My first sad one. I'm sorry.

Alistair awoke with a gasp. He sat bolt upright, panting, drenched in sweat.

Not again. They were getting worse.

And then he heard the last thing he wanted to hear right now.

Well, the second to last thing. The absolute last thing had been steadily increasing in volume for the past couple of months.

“Alistair? Are you all right?”

Cullen’s voice was soft and gentle, but Alistair jumped at the sound and jerked away.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Cullen whispered, rubbing a hand up and down Alistair’s back. “I’m right here.”

But Alistair didn’t want him here. Not for this.

“It’s just a dream.” Cullen’s soothing tone made Alistair’s heart ache.

Because it wasn’t just a dream. These nightmares were real.

Too real.

And too _loud_.

The music, dark and haunting, crescendoed, blocking out whatever Cullen was saying now.

“‘M fine,” Alistair said, shoving away and throwing his legs over the side of the bed, his back toward Cullen.

“You aren’t.” Cullen didn’t try to reach for him again, but Alistair knew he was watching him.

Alistair stood and pulled on a shirt. “Just need some fresh air.”

He was at the door to their room when he heard — barely, underneath the music he wished he could banish from his mind forever — Cullen say, “Talk to me.”

No. _No._ Talking was the last thing he wanted to do. Putting words to what was happening and speaking them aloud would make it real, and it couldn’t be real. He refused to allow it.

He wasn’t ready.

Maker, please, not now.

“A bad dream. That’s all.” The steadiness of his voice surprised him.

His hand was on the doorknob.

“Do not treat me like a simpleton.” Though quiet, Cullen’s voice cracked like a whip. “You occasionally have nightmares, but never this bad nor for such an extended period.”

Alistair whirled around to ask, but Cullen answered the question before he could.

“I have watched you grow more exhausted by the day.”

Alistair shrugged. “I’m tired sometimes.”

“Day to day, yes, but this has been over several weeks.” Cullen still sat on his own side of the bed, as usual, but Alistair could see a tension in his body. Cullen motioned to the book he still held before setting it on the nightstand. “Tonight I could not sleep, and for the past hour I have watched you grow more vocal and restless until you woke just now.” He met Alistair’s gaze. “I have never seen you writhe in pain thus, nor call out in your sleep, and now I fear the worst. Please assure me these fears are not justified, or if they are … let us share them together.”

Alistair might have been fine with the small pat Cullen gave Alistair’s side of the bed if he hadn’t also stretched out a welcoming arm.

Overcome by the sudden need to be held in the arms of the man he loved, Alistair stumbled back to the bed and collapsed into Cullen, burying his face in Cullen’s neck.

And those strong, steady arms wrapped around him, holding and rocking him as he fell apart.

“It’s so loud,” he whimpered, and Cullen tightened his grip. “I want it to stop, but it won’t. I’m not ready yet.”

Cullen said nothing, just continued to hold him, only shifting to rest a hand on the back of Alistair’s head and card his fingers through Alistair’s hair.

He didn’t know how long he trembled like a leaf in Cullen’s arms, but he did know that listening to Cullen’s heartbeat, ear against Cullen’s chest, helped to calm him. And the whole time, Cullen maintained that steady, silent presence around him.

Once he’d finally settled, Cullen spoke at last.

“For how long?”

Alistair gasped in a sort of sob. “Two months. Maybe three.”

“Oh, my love.” Cullen sighed, burying his face in Alistair’s hair. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want it to be true!” Alistair hiccuped as his breathing threatened to overcome his hard-fought control, but Cullen rested lips against his forehead in a kiss that had no end. “I thought I was wrong, or that it might get better, but it hasn’t. It just keeps getting louder and louder and I hate it, Cullen, I hate it.”

He pressed further into Cullen, even gripping his shirt in his hands.

Cullen’s lips broke their contact, but only so he could pull Alistair closer, resting his chin on Alistair’s head.

“How long, do you think?”

Alistair shook his head. “I don’t know. A month, maybe two?”

For the first time, a crack formed in Cullen’s facade — the deep breath he slowly inhaled and exhaled was shaky.

“Very well,” he said, steady and strong once again. “We will make arrangements, write to old friends …”

Alistair almost chuckled as his words faded; he knew Cullen well enough to know that he was likely making lists in his head.

“But know this.” Cullen pulled away just enough to hook a finger under Alistair’s chin and tilt his head up so their gazes met. “You are not alone in this. I will be by your side until the end.”

Alistair’s vision blurred, much to his chagrin; if his time left with Cullen was limited, he didn’t want to miss a single second of it.

But then he replayed Cullen’s words and jerked away with a gasp.

“Until I leave,” he said. “You’ll be by my side until I leave.”

Cullen shook his head, but unlike Alistair, whose heart plummeted, he wore a sad but peaceful smile.

“Until the end.” He brushed his fingers once again through Alistair’s hair, sending a shiver up Alistair’s spine. “Without you, there is nothing left for me here. And I would not bid you goodbye so you can die alone in the dark when I know I will soon follow, alone and broken-hearted. I would go down fighting, by your side until the end.”

Alistair’s tears finally fell, rolling down his cheeks to his chin, where they hovered until they grew heavy enough to drop.

He wished they were for Cullen. Some of them were, to be sure, a gratitude for this man who loved him so and a sorrow that they had only a short time left.

But Alistair felt one emotion rise above all others.

Relief.

He’d been frightened, he realized. Frightened of leaving, frightened of going away to die in the dark fighting creatures he despised. But no longer.

A better, stronger man would have argued, refused to allow Cullen to do such a stupid thing, insisted he wasn’t worth Cullen’s life.

“Am I selfish for wanting that?” he asked instead, looking into those lovely amber eyes he would remember until his dying breath.

“No more than I am for wanting to spend every last moment of our lives together.” Somehow, Cullen’s voice remained steady and strong. “Or for refusing to live in a world without you in it.”

Gazing in awe at this wonderful man, Alistair whispered, “I love you.”

Cullen took Alistair’s face in his hands, pressing their lips together in a kiss that said far, far more than any mere words, even ones as powerful as _I love you_ , could ever express.

A kiss that said, _I’m with you_.

A kiss that said, _I’ll fight for you_.

A kiss that said, _I’ll be by your side. You will not die alone._

“I love you, too,” Cullen said, close enough still that their lips brushed as he spoke.

And Alistair knew in his soul that it was true.

Nothing to come could frighten him now, with the knowledge that Cullen would be with him until their last breaths carried them to the Maker’s side.

Together.


End file.
